Sips Reviews

As bad as my situation is, it will never be as bad as the Cool Runnings website . So it turns out that I am, in fact, not a transitional being that exists as a loosely correlated network of photons. What am I? Well I guess when I killed that man and drank his amazing bottle of Powermalt I must have started hallucinating fairly intensely ( which is not too much of a surprise since I have being living well out of touch from reality for what must be a significant period of time - time being a concept that I can perceive and understand in short bursts of painfully illuminating periods of lucidity ). I skinned the man and started wearing that skin as some kind of suit and instead of simply becoming a rotten mess, the man's skin bonded to mine and I am now a monstrously powerful fusion of two bodies into one. His skin, sinew, and muscle have joined mine, giving me a rough approximation of his external appearance.  I can feel the emotions, memories, and thoughts of his body gro...

I have become a new person, a new being; behold, I am purest light. There is a new sun on the horizon: a star of brilliant, destructive energy that is a threat to all life - I am that star . My entire existence has changed. At first it was just another routine murder by me and the other homeless people at the camp; but after we killed the African man, his treasure proved to be my savior, my genesis. Here is the bottle - 330 ml. Location Purchased:  probably in an Caribbean grocery store somewhere. Price when Purchased:  apparently 0.99 Canadian. Taste:   This tastes like a slightly hopped malt beverage. Imagine something like Malteasers , if you have never had a malt drink before. Watch this video - it's pretty awesome. Energy:  This didn't provide energy in the traditional sense so much as it changed my body into a rapidly burning plume of electric flame. After consuming this potent elixir, my body rapidly broke down into an ash...

Now that winter is fully here, getting by is getting harder. Every day that passes in the hobo camp is worse than the day before. We never have enough money for anything, so we tend to rely on what we can find. The thing is, what we find isn't always the same as what I used to get from the store - ingenuity and creativity has come to play a larger role in my life. Here is the can - Monster Original - 710 ml - 24 US fluid ounces. Location Purchased:  The ground Price when Purchased:  My dignity I guess I was kind of influenced by something like this . Now whenever I am not scrounging for scraps or prostituting myself out for pocket change, I get high smoking Monster Energy, here is a mock-up of how it's done: A hole is punched out over the "reservoir" and the  sweet, intoxicating vapours are smoked out of the opened lid. Taste:  Does it matter? Energy:  The only way I make it through the day. Bottom Line:  You'd...

For the desperate, there is no refuge.  Image Source . We killed a man. It was, much easier than I thought it would be - I mean both physically and mentally. He was taking a shortcut, uh, trying to take a shortcut through the park, when he was suddenly attacked by a gang of homeless psychopaths. I guess I am one of those psychopaths. Here is the bottle - 120 ml and a bonus ginseng root in there too. Location Purchased:  probably in an Asian grocery store somewhere. Price when Purchased:  my innocence. Taste:   This has a fairly refreshing flavour; ignoring the fact that I have had nothing to drink except fetid water and my own urine for the last several weeks. I found the taste to be like the smell of fresh lettuce, I was kind of surprised I still remembered the smell after what feels like a lifetime of living on the frayed edges of reality. There isn't too much information about this exact bottle on  the company's website . ...

Jambo, give that back! I don't even recognize what transgresses the insane anymore. I am a purely physical being - motorized, thoughtless. I have not slept in several days; although I black out for long periods but when I regain consciousness I am often out of breath, naked, and seem to have recently been involved in some kind of serious crime. The last few times I have regained control, I have been in the alley of the local Asian grocer, so I started getting my energy drinks there. Maybe the most surprising thing is that I always seem to have money - where I get it I neither know, nor want to. Here is the bottle - 100 ml (3.4 oz)  and they call this Lipovitan in most markets . Location Purchased:  in an Asian grocery store. Price when Purchased:  equivalent to an entire kilogram of chicken feet. Taste:   Well, I have no idea how to describe this - it is fruity and sweet, but noticeably the serving size is too small to really get a ...

The oppression of insanity. My life, if it can even be called that, continues to fall apart like a McDonald's Angus Hamburger being shot with pellet guns by preteen hoodlums. Here is the can - 250 ml (12 oz)  and they have the audacity to sell this garbage . Location Purchased:  in a grocery store, which is funny because they usually don't sell industrial solvents. Price when Purchased:  too much. Taste:   Well, after being on a bender caused by the non-advertised properties of  ROCKSTAR: Roasted - Mocha  I woke up in an alley with a wad of sweaty $20 bills stuffed in my underwear (which was also the entirety of the clothing that I was wearing). I decided to try to get my life on track by drinking some organic-style energy drinks, but man, that was a mistake. I have to agree with this guy's initial review , because Guru is horrible. The taste is very organic, because it tastes like feces, and feces are organic. Here is w...

Here is the next step in absolute diabolism. Here is the can - 444 ml 4 symbolizes death in Chinese numerology and after drinking this I wish I was dead.  Location Purchased:  A thinly disguised version of Hell. Price when Purchased:  Likely an eternity in suffering. Taste:   Well, now that I have crossed the threshold and entered into a partial reality that exists between livable dimensions, all concept of taste is gone. At times I have synesthesia and others I experience all tastes at once, coming in brutal waves that leave my body a hollow, tortured shell. I have since tried to eat and drink other things, but my body rejects everything categorically, everything except ROCKSTAR: Roasted - Mocha...  Like some kind of addict I keep buying and drinking this, I simultaneously crave it and hate it - the intense emotions and physical effects that this has on my body feel as if they are killing me, faster rather than slower, but even if I am...