THE EXPERIENCE IS JARRING

Here is the next step in absolute diabolism.

Here is the can - 444 ml 4 symbolizes death in Chinese numerology and after drinking this I wish I was dead. 

Location Purchased: A thinly disguised version of Hell.

Price when Purchased: Likely an eternity in suffering.

Taste: Well, now that I have crossed the threshold and entered into a partial reality that exists between livable dimensions, all concept of taste is gone. At times I have synesthesia and others I experience all tastes at once, coming in brutal waves that leave my body a hollow, tortured shell. I have since tried to eat and drink other things, but my body rejects everything categorically, everything except ROCKSTAR: Roasted - Mocha... Like some kind of addict I keep buying and drinking this, I simultaneously crave it and hate it - the intense emotions and physical effects that this has on my body feel as if they are killing me, faster rather than slower, but even if I am dying, every second is excruciating.

Energy: I don't know what kind of energy this has in it, but I haven't slept in days. My bloodshot eyes are crusted over and the rare times that I blink they feel like brittle, dried paper from a cursed Egyptian tomb. My body shakes and I fluctuate between gaining and losing weight at an incredible rate. I sweat constantly and my bowel movements are intense and without warning. I scurry about endlessly like a rodent in the night, and while I try to rest hiding from the light of day I find that I am constantly hunted and pursued by all sorts - some real and others imagined. I have been evicted from my apartment and I am known to the police for trying to sleep in public parks. Sometimes when I bury myself under layers of blankets I hear friendly voices, telling me that they know how to bring me back to normal, but when I throw the blankets off, it turns out it was just a hallucination, or maybe someone playing a trick on me - I don't even know which is worse.

Bottom Line: How can I rate this? I am not even certain that I am typing right now, my vision is blurry and I can't concentrate. Hello? Is there anyone out there? Can... Can you help me?

3.5/5 - I see a light, it burns my eyes, but I will go to it!

You might have a different opinion or experience - feel free to let me know in the comments.