Guru

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The oppression of insanity.

 My life, if it can even be called that, continues to fall apart like a McDonald's Angus Hamburger being shot with pellet guns by preteen hoodlums.




Here is the can - 250 ml (12 oz)  and they have the audacity to sell this garbage.

  • Location Purchased: in a grocery store, which is funny because they usually don't sell industrial solvents.
  • Price when Purchased: too much.

Taste: Well, after being on a bender caused by the non-advertised properties of ROCKSTAR: Roasted - Mocha I woke up in an alley with a wad of sweaty $20 bills stuffed in my underwear (which was also the entirety of the clothing that I was wearing). I decided to try to get my life on track by drinking some organic-style energy drinks, but man, that was a mistake. I have to agree with this guy's initial review, because Guru is horrible. The taste is very organic, because it tastes like feces, and feces are organic.

Here is where I woke up.


Energy: I wish it didn't give me energy, I wish it just killed me instead; but no, I stood in a parking lot in sweaty, soiled underwear after sleeping on the street and it somehow made my life worse. According to this website there is only 100mg of caffeine in this 255ml can, which isn't much and it was definitely not worth the taste, aftertaste, shame, and dirty looks that I received while drinking this drain cleaner.

Bottom Line: I no longer have an emotional baseline. I switch now from elation to depression within seconds and I cry constantly. The only less predictable than my mood swings are my powerful bowel movements. Despite my ragged emotional and mental state, I am still cognizant of reality enough to know that this is horrible.


.5/5 - a Goddamned warcrime in a can.



You might have a different opinion or experience - feel free to let me know in the comments.

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