Sips Reviews

The "alcopop" of Canadian "rave culture." Long have I traveled the wastes; my bones brittle, my muscles frail, and my skin cracked and wrinkled. In the years of my journeys I have seen the rise and fall of many cultures, subcultures, and cults; one that has neither waxed nor waned is the strange drinkers of the blue, the "REVelers"... If you seek information, I wish you luck, for you will find that it is scarce , and if you seek to read the sacred texts of the cult itself, you will find that their own instructions:  " http://www.reverage.com/ " lead to an entirely new and different set of scrolls. The true nature of Rev  is obscured to all, only known by those who have imbibed the drink and those strange, arcane zealots that produce it and carefully guard its secrets. I consider myself an academic, a seeker . I will ever disparage research and the testimony of others; but, whenever possible, I prefer firsthand experience. Many times have I seen t...

There is a common vein in history that the greatest lies are most easily hidden when they are kept in plain sight, without any attempt to deny their nature. This beverage is the exact spirit of that concept. Can it possibly be true that there are such massive conspiracies that exist without being questioned? Even when questioned , the "makers" of the Pocari Sweat beverage make no effort to deny the true nature of the drink. They explain that the term "Pocari" has no "special meaning" and note that "Sweat" makes direct reference to actual sweat. Well, a lot of names are essentially meaningless, and that is what "Pocari" is, a name . While it is entirely clear that Pocari Sweat is bottled sweat, what is not entirely clear is what kind of person and/or creature  the Pocari is. Due to the refreshing sweet taste, it is unlikely that the Pocari  is a regular person, and is in fact, more likely to be either a heavily mutated hu...

This here is Tiger Malt, it comes from Barbados, a country where tigers don't live, there isn't even a tiger there in a zoo, but hey it's just a name... ...or is it more than just a name..? I last drank tiger malt over a year ago, why have I waited so long to post a review? The answer is simple: magic . I only know that I drank the beverage ( and took the above photograph ) due to an intense spiritual reconstruction session with a powerful gypsy psychic that I recently attended . During a routine fortune-telling, the gypsy told me that I had several repressed memories, and more startlingly, I had repressed magical potency . I am a weretiger . The gypsy unlocked the lycanthropy that I had been inflicted with, and well, the gypsy perished when my body was ripped from humanity to a hybrid form somewhere in between human and tiger. With tufts of black-striped orange fur, claws of magnificent size, and powerful crushing teeth and jaws, I wet on a rampage of slaug...

"Energy Beats Everything" claims Lucozade , but is it true?  My body, mind, and spirit are transient entities that diverge and merge randomly with no apparent cause or clear goal. I have no control over these mutations, nor do they have control over me; but, it is difficult to understand what I am, if not these three independent entities. Recently I have invaded the existence of a new family, taking control through guile and violence. As head of the household I exact a crippling toll on my subjects in many horrific and depraved ways. In the rapid and constant divestiture of my genetic material to my new family-clan of victims, my physical essence is often left dehydrated and drained of energy. It is in these times that I seek out energy drinks, and the latest that I have splashed upon the desiccated corpse of my shriveled and well-used testes has been Lucozade Energy . Here is the bottle of Lucozade Energy that I purchased and consumed. This particular va...

I have become a new person, a new being; behold, I am purest light. There is a new sun on the horizon: a star of brilliant, destructive energy that is a threat to all life - I am that star . My entire existence has changed. At first it was just another routine murder by me and the other homeless people at the camp; but after we killed the African man, his treasure proved to be my savior, my genesis. Here is the bottle - 330 ml. Location Purchased:  probably in an Caribbean grocery store somewhere. Price when Purchased:  apparently 0.99 Canadian. Taste:   This tastes like a slightly hopped malt beverage. Imagine something like Malteasers , if you have never had a malt drink before. Watch this video - it's pretty awesome. Energy:  This didn't provide energy in the traditional sense so much as it changed my body into a rapidly burning plume of electric flame. After consuming this potent elixir, my body rapidly broke down into an ash...

For the desperate, there is no refuge.  Image Source . We killed a man. It was, much easier than I thought it would be - I mean both physically and mentally. He was taking a shortcut, uh, trying to take a shortcut through the park, when he was suddenly attacked by a gang of homeless psychopaths. I guess I am one of those psychopaths. Here is the bottle - 120 ml and a bonus ginseng root in there too. Location Purchased:  probably in an Asian grocery store somewhere. Price when Purchased:  my innocence. Taste:   This has a fairly refreshing flavour; ignoring the fact that I have had nothing to drink except fetid water and my own urine for the last several weeks. I found the taste to be like the smell of fresh lettuce, I was kind of surprised I still remembered the smell after what feels like a lifetime of living on the frayed edges of reality. There isn't too much information about this exact bottle on  the company's website . ...

Jambo, give that back! I don't even recognize what transgresses the insane anymore. I am a purely physical being - motorized, thoughtless. I have not slept in several days; although I black out for long periods but when I regain consciousness I am often out of breath, naked, and seem to have recently been involved in some kind of serious crime. The last few times I have regained control, I have been in the alley of the local Asian grocer, so I started getting my energy drinks there. Maybe the most surprising thing is that I always seem to have money - where I get it I neither know, nor want to. Here is the bottle - 100 ml (3.4 oz)  and they call this Lipovitan in most markets . Location Purchased:  in an Asian grocery store. Price when Purchased:  equivalent to an entire kilogram of chicken feet. Taste:   Well, I have no idea how to describe this - it is fruity and sweet, but noticeably the serving size is too small to really get a ...