Lucozade Energy

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"Energy Beats Everything" claims Lucozade, but is it true? 

My body, mind, and spirit are transient entities that diverge and merge randomly with no apparent cause or clear goal. I have no control over these mutations, nor do they have control over me; but, it is difficult to understand what I am, if not these three independent entities.

Recently I have invaded the existence of a new family, taking control through guile and violence. As head of the household I exact a crippling toll on my subjects in many horrific and depraved ways.

In the rapid and constant divestiture of my genetic material to my new family-clan of victims, my physical essence is often left dehydrated and drained of energy. It is in these times that I seek out energy drinks, and the latest that I have splashed upon the desiccated corpse of my shriveled and well-used testes has been Lucozade Energy.

Here is the bottle of Lucozade Energy that I purchased and consumed. This particular variant was made in Indonesia for the Chinese market. 

Taste: I have long been fond of energy drinks and the peculiar flavours that they tend to have, but this drink was quite different. I am not certain if it has the same taste as the non-Chinese market equivalent, but this one was formulated in such a manner that Mr. Clean would likely have a case for copyright infringement.

Energy: The bottle that I drank was supplied with a meagre 46mg of caffeine which is essentially nothing, I would need to drink at least ten bottles of this floor cleaner to have an effect. 

Bottom Line: The taste is unpleasant, the price is high, and the energy is minuscule. Having consumed this beverage I am left upset and volatile, my wrath shall be wrought.

1/5 - liquid feces.

You might have a different opinion or experience - feel free to let me know in the comments.

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