Tiger Malt

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This here is Tiger Malt, it comes from Barbados, a country where tigers don't live, there isn't even a tiger there in a zoo, but hey it's just a name... ...or is it more than just a name..?

I last drank tiger malt over a year ago, why have I waited so long to post a review? The answer is simple: magic.

I only know that I drank the beverage (and took the above photograph) due to an intense spiritual reconstruction session with a powerful gypsy psychic that I recently attended. During a routine fortune-telling, the gypsy told me that I had several repressed memories, and more startlingly, I had repressed magical potency.

I am a weretiger. The gypsy unlocked the lycanthropy that I had been inflicted with, and well, the gypsy perished when my body was ripped from humanity to a hybrid form somewhere in between human and tiger. With tufts of black-striped orange fur, claws of magnificent size, and powerful crushing teeth and jaws, I wet on a rampage of slaughter and other more depraved forms of bestial conduct.

While my control of my body and actions lapsed in my hybrid weretiger state, I retained full memory of the transformation and the actions that I took. What's more, I remembered the source of my lycanthropy, the magical potency that the gypsy described - the bottle of Tiger Malt that I had consumed earlier.

...but why did a bottle of Tiger Malt cause lycanthropy? The answer is simple, every single person from Barbados is a weretiger and they put some of their communal blood in the beverage.
  • Location Purchased: Caribbean ex-patriot poverty store
  • Price when Purchased: $0.99 leafbacks
Taste: Sweet, malty - quite pleasant.

Energy: All sugar and lots of it.  

Bottom Line: There is nothing like the feeling of your body mutating into a physically powerful form and then going on a bender of destruction, terror, and depravity.

🐯🐯🐯🐯

4/5 - pretty good (I switched to emoji ratings since my old homemade ones don't work well)

You might have a different opinion or experience - feel free to let me know in the comments.

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