REV Original

The "alcopop" of Canadian "rave culture."

Long have I traveled the wastes; my bones brittle, my muscles frail, and my skin cracked and wrinkled. In the years of my journeys I have seen the rise and fall of many cultures, subcultures, and cults; one that has neither waxed nor waned is the strange drinkers of the blue, the "REVelers"...

If you seek information, I wish you luck, for you will find that it is scarce, and if you seek to read the sacred texts of the cult itself, you will find that their own instructions: "http://www.reverage.com/" lead to an entirely new and different set of scrolls. The true nature of Rev is obscured to all, only known by those who have imbibed the drink and those strange, arcane zealots that produce it and carefully guard its secrets.

I consider myself an academic, a seeker. I will ever disparage research and the testimony of others; but, whenever possible, I prefer firsthand experience. Many times have I seen the strange, empty vials of Rev discarded on the sides of the Queensways of this Northern Kingdom, and many times have I seen the same vials being sold by the very agents of the Queen. Maybe it was trepidation, fear that stopped me; I cannot say for certain, but I finally took the plunge.

I exchanged my handful of coins for a vial...

I have drank from the vial; but, am I a REVeler..?

What can I tell you about the experience? What can I tell you of the potion? Will you believe me..?

There was nothing. No feeling, no sensation; certainly there was no grand realization, no cosmic opening, the utter lack of the unfurling of reality was almost insulting. The runes on the vial claim to contain invigorating herbs (guarana and ginseng) - yet when I decrypted the "small print" runes on the very same vial, it was noted that the ingredients only included the "flavours" of the noted invigorating herbs... 

I claim no expertise, but know that I am definitely experienced, and I noticed neither "lift" nor "energy" from the potion in the vial, only the mild intoxicating effects of the small waters contained within. Is there a strange magic afoot? Was I sold a counterfeit made for the un-indoctrinated populace? I may never be certain, but I warn all of you, if you are the same and are seeking invigoration, you will not find it, you will be left severely wanting. Consider yourself warned...

I must make one final note. The vial. The vial is quite strong, its walls are thick and sturdy like a stern, Eastern woman. While it should be clear that the contents of the vial itself are not of particularly high value for me, the vial could be re-purposed; in fact, it reminded me of the following humorous scripture that I recently viewed:

The humour of the strange ones... Image Source.

Behold, more information as well as my judgement:

• Location Purchased: Ontario Monopoly Store Because Screw The Population
• Price when Purchased: $2.95 Leafbacks 

Taste: The taste here is common, bubblegum, cough syrup, and a very mild taste of liquor. Few are those that would seek this out for the flavour, but likewise, few are those that would be totally disgusted.

Energy: My claim is that there is no special invigoration to be had in this vial.

Bottom Line: Your religious practices are your own business, and if you are a REVeler, I wish you luck on your journey, but for us lay-persons outside of the cult, it is clear that the contents of these vials are not for us... 

🧪

1/5 - but somehow this alcopop is cheaper than an actual energy drink..? 

You might have a different opinion or experience - feel free to let me know in the comments.