Rockstar Pure Zero Energy Grape

It's drink.

If you look at the posts on this blog, you might get the impression that I am a huge fan of Rockstar Energy drinks, which I am, but my default sip is the Monster Energy Zero Ultra, the "white sip" that is the default drink of that 30 year old boomer. Despite my proclaimed fandom, the majority of reviews are of Rockstar Energy products. Why is this the case? Well, part of the reason is that in my market, Rockstar products are much more affordable, and the other reason is that I like to try non-Monster beverages to compare them to what is a high standard that I have permanently enshrined as a legend of sips.

Moving onward, I recently saw for the first time a ROCKST★R Pure Zero Energy: Grape, I was definitely going to purchase it, so that I found it on sale, only made it all the better. There are a few differences between the American and Canadian versions of this sip, obviously the can has to include the cryptic French language runes, but the drink itself is slightly different. While this bad boy brazenly advertises 240mg of caffeine in its native country, it has been hit with a 25% reduction in Canada, meaning that the can contains 160mg of caffeine while the remainder of the ingredients remains largely the same. 

Something that I noticed, in particular since I am a fan of Monster (and that there was a Monster Energy Ultra Violet nearby for comparison), that Rockstar had made the conscious choice to make this can very similar to its Monster competitor. Like the Monster Ultra series, the Rockstar Grape (and only the grape at my location) featured a embossed, textured can that was very reminiscent of Monster Ultra. The price, which must be an introductory one for my market, made it the cheapest energy drink in the store.

I want that purple stuff...

As far as the contents of the can were concerned, it was pretty much an exact duplicate of the Ultra Violet, which itself was very similar to carbonated purple Kool-Aid.

Well, I like purple drink. The profile of this beverage is powerfully artificial and patently cloying - it is really good and definitely makes a person think more purple than grape.

• Location Purchased: The only Place I've Seen It

• Price when Purchased: $2.89 Leafbacks, on sale

Since drinking the Grape Rockstar I have gained a new and nuanced appreciation of ghetto culture. I stabbed a man with a screwdriver and took his wallet and car keys. After the murder, I drove to a local community college and using a mixture of threats and promises recruited a number of young women into my stable of prostitutes.

I have since had a few altercations with local law enforcement, but my utter lack of emotions or concept of self have always allowed me to evade capture either through the use of guile or the sudden and intense application of violence.

Since becoming a pimp and relocating to a scummy motel near the city limits I have noticed several positive impacts on my life and the only downside is that I find myself working more often, which isn't so bad, because I can always grab another Rockstar purple drink.

Taste: If you are able to conceptualize what "purple" tastes like, than you already know the exact flavour to expect here.

Energy: 160mg of caffeine in addition to the usual blend of B vitamins and other horseshit chemicals that likely do nothing. 

Bottom Line: Two cans makes your urine green, too bad it didn't have a stronger purple dye to make it violet or something.

4/5 - really good stuff

You might have a different opinion or experience - feel free to let me know in the comments.